Mom & Me Three Archive

    I've been meaning to create this post for awhile. My purpose is to list procedures I follow through the day and the reasoning behind them. I expect this post to be dynamic, expanding as I remember procedures or they develop on their own. I'm hoping this will be valuable to other Caregivers of Ancient Ones. I'm including this post in the links section to the right for easy access so that it doesn't matter how this journalizing facility shuffles it into the archives.

Cleaning:

Plastic Sheets:

• First I spray the plastic sheet with a 3-1 solution of white distilled vinegar and water. I air dry it for at least an hour. If the humidity is high and there's a chance my mother will want to nap before it's completely air dry I turn a small fan on the bed, backed off enough so the solution doesn't dry too quickly. It takes a full hour for the vinegar to act as a disinfectant and neutralize odor.
• I follow the vinegar/water spray with an isopropyl alcohol rubdown. I don't skimp on the alcohol. I use about 1/2 cup of splashes in three areas on the sheet for her twin bed. I rub the splashes around the top and sides of the plastic sheet with paper towels, which absorb much of the excess.
• I wipe down the plastic pillow cover (which doesn't get the vinegar treatment since her urine shed never reaches the pillow; the problem with the pillow is drool).
• I didn't always use the alcohol rubdown. I initiated it when we were having trouble with urinary tract infections. I wanted to make sure no bacteria was left on her sheet that could track back up her urethra while she was sleeping and shedding urine.
• I continue to use the vinegar/water spray because alcohol does not neutralize the odor of urine, it masks it and then only for awhile. So her plastic sheet gets the full treatment at this time. I'll probably continue to do this for the rest of her life.

Bathroom Tactics:

Bathing:

• I always follow the same procedure as we wash her. I've discovered that this operation doesn't respond well to change. Although she appears to not remember the what, when and why of our bathing order, I've noticed that when I change the order she becomes confused and any automatic movements upon which I think I can depend to accelerate the bathing process disintegrate and I end up having to explain everything. Doesn't help.
• I use a special cleansing agent for her groin area: Aloe Vesta 3-n-1 Cleansing Foam, which I also use to shampoo her hair. I use this on her groin because if I don't manage to rinse all of it off it isn't irritating. Irritation is what we try to avoid in this area so that she doesn't compromise her skin by scratching it open. It advertises itself as not needing to be rinsed, but I do anyway, including when I use it on her hair. It has a peculiar odor which isn't unpleasant but that I've come to associate with the smell of my mother's urine.

Trash:

• The trash can I use for her diapers is small, thus requiring that I empty it and change its liner often in order to defeat odor. It also does not have a lid. About a year and a half ago my mother became confused about how to use trash can lids and began piling her soiled underwear and other bathroom trash on top of the lid, at which point I determined that a lid was worse than no lid.

Odors:

• I use very fragrant soaps and lotions in her bathroom. It helps mask the odor of her used diapers as well as encourage a pleasant bathroom experience.
• I now see to it that I don't use fragrances I particularly like on my mother. I discovered a couple of years ago that once I smell those fragrances mixed with her urine, which inevitably happens, they no longer hold the same fascination for me because I can't seem to keep myself from remembering this peculiar fragrance-urine odor mix when I use them on myself.

Bathroom Comfort:

• I leave the bathroom door closed both summer and winter, day and night and leave the bathroom heater on most of the year, day and night (thank the gods we can afford this) since this is the one room wherein she is usually half to fully naked and exposed to water. Making sure she's warm keeps her humor up through the variety of intimate procedures that take place in this room. There is nothing worse than trying to clean an Ancient One who is shivering.

Layout:

• Because my mother is no longer capable of cleaning herself after elimination in a thorough and sanitary manner I see to it that no paper products are in view within the bathroom. She'll use anything she can get her hands on if I'm not immediately at her beck and call after an elimination episode and she's spry enough to flush the item down the toilet before announcing her coup to me.
• When we're done with whatever bathroom episode is taking place I make sure all products are stowed or far enough behind the toothpaste so that she doesn't mistake a variety of other products for toothpaste.
• One procedure I haven't yet initiated because I keep forgetting to look for this item when I'm at a store that might carry one is to attach a bell to the bathroom door so that I know when she's entered and I'm in another part of the house. This should relieve some of the pressure of constant eye vigilance in order to keep her from hunting down and using whatever she can find to clean herself.

Food

Liquids:

• My mother has been known to be both a coffee and tea drinker. I've discovered that tea of all types, whether caffeine free, herbal and/or fruit preparations or containing actual tea, cause her to shed urine at a phenomenal rate so I give them to her as rarely as possible and then heighten the frequency of our bathroom visits when she drinks tea. Instant, freeze-dried decaffeinated coffee isn't nearly as perilous from the point of view of water shed.
• I do not serve her ground decaffeinated coffee. I'm not researched on the specifics but observation and experience have taught me that something remains in the ground decaffeinated type that stimulates her bowels to discharge with little warning. The freeze-dried instant type of decaffeinated coffee doesn't have this ingredient and doesn't promote dehydration the way ground coffee of both types does.

Cooking:

• I always make sure she is up and close by when I'm cooking. The aromas trigger her appetite, which needs as much help as it can get.

Food Storage:

• I keep the refrigerator arranged so that things like pickles, olives, raw vegetables, cottage cheese, deli meats and cheeses are toward the front and condiments, raw meat, sugary and starchy items are toward the back. If I'm not close by and she decides she's hungry she won't rummage far into the refrigerator, she'll go for the first thing she sees. I make sure all vanguard items are blood sugar friendly.
• Everything that won't be used immediately and/or desserts are frozen immediately and thawed just before use.
• Anything that needs preparation and doesn't require refrigerator/freezer storage is well out of reach and sight.
• Occasionally my mother remembers that she used to be able to use the microwave and thinks she still knows how. She doesn't, but has been known to lead herself, food items and microwave ovens into awful fixes trying to heat up things, including her coffee. If I know I'll be out of her immediate area for awhile (like, at night when we're sleeping or when I run an errand) I unplug the microwave. She blew up one of our microwaves a couple of years ago attempting to warm some soup in a metal pan. She also severely compromised another by continually heating up cups of coffee with decorative metal rims in the microwave until I finally figured out the problem and stowed away all such cups.
• Thus, I also try not to leave her to her own devices too long when she's awake and make sure that she has everything she needs in front of her, well warmed or cooled depending on the item, almost before she knows she needs or wants something. Luckily, my mother has never been much for cooking. While she often offers to "help", which she likes to do, it's easy to discourage her from helping me cook. She'd rather watch, with permission.

Medications:

Storage:

• Although my mother takes far more supplements than medications and, even including the supplements, takes far less medication than most people her age, she takes an interest in both medications and supplements, often quizzing me about the purpose of each pill she takes. I no longer store pills in those handy-dandy pill storage containers that hold a week's to a month's worth of pills at a time. I discovered a few years ago that these are far too fascinating and my mother was apt to go through them when she ran across them and accidentally redistribute the pills. As well, there aren't many ready made devices that easily handle all her pills. I now use small glass jars, one for each meal, that I refill in the evening. She considers these uninteresting even though the pills are visible and leaves them alone.

Bedroom:

Clothes Storage:

• Although she has a dresser that's not where I store her often used clothes. Everything she frequently uses is either hung in plain view in the closet, which is kept open, or is in a see through set of plastic drawers, also in plain view. A while back she began to find the search through her dresser for this or that confusing and maddening and didn't like needing help to find things. Now, although I usually set out her clothes for her before the following day, on occasion she decides she wants to select what she wears. Making sure she has easy eye and hand access to her clothes keeps this procedure from frustrating her.