Mom & Me Three Archive

in short, med and food stats over at that site as I recorded and remember them and included a short review of times and peculiarities.
    Over the last few days I've been experiencing an epiphany regarding an aspect of what I'm doing here with my mother. It's been difficult for me, not so much for my mother, although the nature of the epiphany has meant that she's been aware of its continuing and expanding effect on me. It remains extremely difficult about which to write so I'm putting that off until the details settle and I can, again, take a reading on where I am and in what direction I'm headed.
    In the meantime, of course, I've been seeing to Mom. We've watched a lot of movies over the last three days. I'm not sure why this has been happening although it's been okay with me since it's allowed me some internal relief from the occasionally fierce emotional fallout from the epiphany. As well, the movies we've been watching haven't been old favorites (except for the last one, tonight, Little Buddha) but ones we either haven't seen for a long time or haven't seen at all. Since Mom doesn't remember which movies we have and hasn't the interest in thumbing through our collection on her own, when she's said, "Let's watch a movie," I've asked her if she's in the mood for comedy, drama, documentary or musical, spectacle or subtle, rousing or quiet. Some of the movies haven't been from our collection but from the TCM's 31 Days of Oscars line-up, depending on the film, of course. We won't be (or haven't, if it was tonight...I have no idea for when it was scheduled) watching the Oscar ceremonies. I've never watched and I don't think Mom ever has. Too long. Too boring. Neither of us is that interested in clothes or thank-you speeches.
    I'm not sure when I'll again be writing more specifics about our days but I am expecting to reinstate my regular updating schedule very soon.
    Later.

...but I haven't felt, over the past 36 hours or so, like thinking or writing about her or the her-part-of-me. Haven't felt like taking out a few minutes here and there to record stats when I've taken them. Haven't even felt like firing up the computer for any reason.
    Everything's fine. Our lives are proceeding normally. I've reached the intellectual, emotional, spiritual and reporting points of caregiver saturation so I'm putting those aspects aside for a bit so they can dry out. I expect I'll be resuming normal reportage soon but can't promise when. If anything unusual or important happens I'll note it here.

...on the fecal accident link. To those thousands of visitors who were disappointed and didn't think to simply click into Mom's Daily Tests and Meds, sorry to have disappointed you. The link has been corrected.
    Mom's sleeping in today. Not even The Little Girl seems to be able to budge her; although she awoke Mom, Mom refused to arise. I'm letting her sleep, with a touch of anxiety. I am anxious to see if her bowel accident continued during her sleep but I also don't want to disturb her if her body is taking advantage of a Long Sleep to replenish itself.

    First one in a long time, since before her hospital odysseys began this summer, which is why I'm mentioning it. If you're interested in the details of the actual accident, here's the link. I'm not sure why this one occurred. I can't think of any prominent differences in what she's been eating or doing over the last couple of weeks. She didn't feel uncomfortable beforehand: No stomach upset, no cramping, no gas, no indication this was going to happen. There are some minor possibilities, very minor, actually:

• Large doses of iron can cause both/either constipation and/or diarrhea. Since the beginning of her last course of UTI antibiotics she's been on a somewhat higher dose than previously: I switched her to two Niferex-150's instead of one Niferex-150 and four 18 mg Iron Protein Succinylate capsules. However, I'm thinking that since she's had no problem previous to this and it's been at least two weeks since we began this regimen (which I intend to continue through her next blood draw, which will tell me if the higher dose of iron is raising her hemoglobin more than her previous iron regimen), it's probably not the iron.
• Could be the switch back to popcorn for the last few days.
• Could be, since she's moving around more, her bowels are appreciating the exercise and are responding with their own, minor, get-in-shape regimen.
• Considering that she felt fine before the accident and even better afterwards, I'm thinking that maybe her bowels were just doing some fine tuning, sort of a spring cleaning.

    All these possibilities are shots in the dark. I seem to need to take a few of these shots in order to try to anticipate if we're going to be having further accidents. Unfortunately, none of them are helping to move me beyond a wait-and-see basis.
    This afternoon while Mom was napping my spirit felt like it needed a dose of Grand Canyon. Fifteen minutes into the movie Mom awoke from her nap. Although I doubted that she'd remember seeing it, I remembered that the one time she viewed it she wasn't impressed. I really felt the need to treat myself to an immersion in this movie's spirit, though, so decided to try watching it with Mom. This time she liked the movie, especially the sub-story about finding the baby. She didn't ask why they went to the Grand Canyon at the end of the movie this time and wasn't surprised that the movie ended when they arrived. Without me asking, afterwards she said, enthusiastically, "I like that movie!" I didn't remind her that she'd dismissed it on her first viewing. I guess it all depends on how much of her mind is available for concentration at any particular time. I guess today was a good day for that.
    And, that's what's so strange about this particular bowel accident. All her other accidents, as I recall, have occurred when she wasn't feeling really good physically and was mentally hazy. Today was an out-of-pattern accident.
    Oh well, the only two guarantees birth grants us are change and death.

...over at =>Moving =>Mom. The link will take you directly to the post. No, it's not about a formal exercise session. In fact, I started the post here but realized halfway through that the subject was more appropriate to that site and putting it there would be an act of hope that the event mentioned in the post will continue.
    I awoke to hail, this morning, my mother awoke to sleet, so I decided not to worry about having her lab stuff done until later today (assuming the weather settles down) or tomorrow.
    Depending on how the day goes (it's been pretty busy, so far, which is nice), I may post more...
    ...later.

    Two movies, which surprised me. I may have created a movie monster on Sunday. Right after breakfast yesterday Mom looked at me expectantly and asked, "What movie should we watch this morning?" So, we watched Mrs. Miniver in the morning and Working Girl in the afternoon. I took stats and watched what she ate in order to continue pulling her blood sugar down from it's (assumed, since I didn't take stats) flight Sunday.
    In the late evening after Mom retired she arose, mildly agitated, came out to the living room, turned her rocking chair toward me, sat and asked me to tell her "how Mother [her mother] died." I decided the best way to do this would be to review Grandma's entire history from the time Grandpa died, including:

1. The time immediately after Grandpa's death when Grandma lived, briefly, alone in their house in Prescott and Mom stayed with her frequently;
2. All I knew about Mom's sister's family's decision, after putting Grandma's financial affairs in order, to sell Grandma's house in Prescott and move her to a small mobile home close to them in Scottsdale;
3. The history of their discovery, after Grandma lived in Scottsdale for a couple of years, that she was quickly developing what appeared to be deep dementia and their decision that she should be moved in with them, which prompted them to build an addition onto their home, a small apartment with easy access to and from the main house for Grandma;
4. Grandma's relatively quick descent into the area of Alzheimer's in which she not only didn't recognize others but began to lose touch with the entity she recognized as herself;
5. The family's valiant struggle to keep Grandma with them despite the fact that everyone in the family worked full time during the day;
6. Grandma's progressive recession into spending much of her day in the fetal position and the family's decision to put her in a nursing home because she was requiring a level of care the family could not perform nor afford to provide at their home;
7. Grandma's final 6 months or so in the nursing home when Mom (and often I) visited her frequently;
8. What she was like in the nursing home; what Mom's visits were like;
9. A comparison of Mom's memory loss/confusion with Grandma's dementia, primarily because my mother has moments when she is afraid she is going to "end up like Mother". I don't think she will, her dementia has a completely different profile, so I stress this when we talk about it;
10. A final account of Grandma's death, not including the official Cause of Death, since I have never been privileged to know this, which I told Mom. I made the assumption for Mom that Grandma pretty much died of "advanced age/natural causes" as did Grandpa, both of whom were in their 90's at death.

    After this review, Mom and I talked about her still-alive relatives. I've been suggesting lately, since one of her cousin's husbands died recently, that she call her cousins in Iowa and South Dakota to see how they are.
    "No, I don't think that's a good idea. If I call [the cousin who used to teach and live in both South Dakota and Iowa] she'll want me to come out to visit."
    "Mom," I said, "they're older than you and you're 87. Although they used to travel a lot, they haven't traveled at all in a couple of years, probably for the same reason you haven't traveled; it's probably too uncomfortable for them, anymore. I doubt that they'll even question your lack of visits. They're probably afraid you're going to ask them when they're coming to visit you! In case you're worried about [the cousin who's always lived in Mechanicsville, Iowa], the last we heard from her [about 6 months ago], she was complaining about how awful it is to be 90 and how she 'can't get around like she used to' anymore."
    Anyway, I'm going to work on her today to call these relatives. Once she gets on the phone with them she transforms into the cousin they all, including Mom, know and love. It's a delight to listen to her talk to them.
    I don't expect this to be the last time Mom asks me about the history of those immediate of her family members who have died. It isn't, really, the first, although it was the first in depth history review. I need to check on some of the facts, though. I wasn't sure of the time frame of Grandma's death...I still am not sure if it occurred before or after I lived in Seattle, and that particular point was a stickler in our conversation last night, as Mom does have a clear overall memory of her life before and after I came to live with her.
    Anyway, later.

    My mother was in heaven yesterday. This is how it started. I made a deal with her yesterday morning just before I headed to Costco. I awoke her and told her that if she did me a big favor and slept in (she loves doing these kinds of favors) until I returned, I'd have a surprise for her for breakfast. There is a bakery here whose "fruits" I've been wanting to try. They specialize in whole grain breads, including whole grain sweet rolls (not muffins, although they also have muffins). Of course, to a diabetic a sweet roll is a sweet roll is a rose regardless of how many whole grains it contains...but my reasoning sounds good.
    When I returned home a little after noon she was just arising and asking to examine the sweet rolls.
    It wasn't until later in the day after the first movie [The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie] that we began thinking about lunch and my mother said, "We've got all those sweet rolls, why not have those for lunch?"
    Another movie [Antonia's Line] and a nap later: "We've got all those sweet rolls, why not finish them off for dinner?" In case you're wondering, I only bought six sweet rolls. They were huge. At dinner I suggested that we might want a little something nutritious before making a final pillage on the rolls. My mother's response? "Why ruin a perfectly good sweet roll with something nutritious?" Since she's very well nourished almost all the time, I didn't have a good answer so we polished off the sweet rolls with The Motorcycle Diaries.
    No stats yesterday and no reporting of stats at the stat site although when I'm done here I'll post a general entry there about no-stats and meds and food.
    We also had what I hope is an eye-opening (for me more than for my mother) discussion about when using a knee bracing bandage is appropriate. My mother's knees were bothering her mightily toward evening. I'd been noticing her increasing debilitation all day (she was up and down a lot yesterday, which is good for her) and asking her, probably to distraction, if she wanted to use the knee brace on her right knee, the weakest one. Query after query she refused. Finally, before "dinner" when her hobbling became obvious I not only insisted that she wear it, I put it on her knee while she was at my mercy on the toilet seat. Suddenly she was walking almost normally. She was surprised.
    "Well, Mom," I explained, the thing with the bandage is, it's not medicine, it's simply external support. It's kind of like wearing a belt to keep your pants up so you don't have to think about them."
    She got it. I think she was confusing the wearing of the support with medical treatment and medical treatment is something she prefers to avoid since it often misses the mark with her. "Oh!" she said. "That's a good way to look at it! Remind me of that when necessary."
    I will.

    I'm sure you noticed that I discovered last night that this is President's Day weekend. So this morning, early, I head out to collect Sunday (congratulate me that I know it is Sunday) papers; not so much with the idea of buying from ads but Mom loves a heavy-duty-with-ads Sunday paper. I just rifled through them. Although they contain a fair number of ads, nothing says "President's Day Sale". No ridiculous banners and extra inserts. So, I'm thinking now, hmmm...maybe this isn't President's Day weekend. Maybe it was last weekend. No, I'm sure last weekend was Valentine's Day weekend. Damn. Is tomorrow a holiday, should I expect mail tomorrow? So, I look for a calendar. Can't find one. All those wonderful erase board calendars I've got all over the place say "November", expect for one which says "honey" and "Ham in Car".
    Last night, for no reason that was stressful, I wondered if we should institute Sunday Dinner or Wednesday Night at a Restaurant, or something like that so have some buoys in the sea of time. It is very easy to float aimlessly when you are taking care of someone for whom time is measured in basics: Sunlight or dark; cold or warm. I actually like living in this way of perceiving and using time but I have to admit, it's not the way the rest of the world keeps time. During the year of my mother's back injury I found myself, one weekend, asking someone in a very public place, "This upcoming week is Thanksgiving week, isn't it?" I keep track of the days' numbers and months' names this time of year because of taxes. And, I usually believe I am in the month that everyone else is in. It's around the ends and beginnings that I have a problem.
    As far as Mom is concerned, she hasn't yet been in this century but she's been close. She remembers that it was in the late 90's that we bought this house, and she knows that was a ways back there in terms of time traveled. In terms of seasons, she is always aware of being in the holidays, whether she's mostly in or mostly out, because of TV. She doesn't mind being surprised by details like actual years, actual months, actual days of the week, although she finds it startling to be reminded of where everyone else sees her in time. She has the ability to anticipate ahead a couple of weeks, still.
    Last night she and I "visited" in the living room for awhile before retiring. At one point, Mom said, "Your bed, back there, it's a double, right?"
    "Well, yeah, it's a futon double, which is a normal full. Why?"
    "Well, I was just thinking, when your folks come, they can sleep in your bed and you can sleep out here."
    Hmmm. I chuckled. "Good idea, Mom," I said, "except that you're my 'folk', and you already have a bed and a bedroom, here."
    She did a double take, stared at me. Then, quickly, turned it jokey. "Oh! I'm you're folk!"
    Just to make sure her marbles had settled back in familiar places, I said, "I'm you're daughter, Gail, and I've been here for awhile. We're each other's folks." I wondered if she was going to ask about Dad. She didn't.
    She looked at me like, "Why are you reminding me of that?!? I know!"
    We were back in our original identities. I wondered who she thought I was but she appeared to have lost the moment so I didn't ask. Maybe the better question would be who she thought she was.
    "Time, time, time, see what's become of me..." Thank you Paul Simon. I've thought about it a lot, I'm sure you can imagine. It finally comes down to the fact that I really love being mostly placed in this time world of my mother's with only occasional firm touch with the normal time world. I'm really savoring this opportunity, as I know it will probably be my last, just as I know I will probably emerge, after my mother's death, into the normal time world stunned and reeling. Oh well. Once I get my bearings I'll be even more Time Skillful in the normal time world; that's what I figure.
    Later.