Saturday, January 29, 2005
I know my mother...
...has occasional thoughts, especially on days like today, if her awareness is courted toward the day's significance, such as, "You know, damn him! He should have made more of an effort to stay healthy and stay around. You hear that?!?"
I don't share those thoughts but I've continued my relationship with him through sunsets, the weather, curious natural phenomena, my hands, which I've noticed, over the years, are his...
But, I know my mother is still capable of anger and feeling that he squandered all their plans in a damn bottle. He did squander their plans. In a bottle of alcohol. No buts about it. She traveled after he died, she traveled a lot before he died; but not nearly as much as she would have if "they" had followed their original plan.
She used to say that she loved the farm and was sorry they sold it. Lately we were remembering residences. When the farm came up she decided she was glad "that fiasco ended". I was surprised but didn't question her...it didn't fit into the conversation.
I don't share those thoughts but I've continued my relationship with him through sunsets, the weather, curious natural phenomena, my hands, which I've noticed, over the years, are his...
But, I know my mother is still capable of anger and feeling that he squandered all their plans in a damn bottle. He did squander their plans. In a bottle of alcohol. No buts about it. She traveled after he died, she traveled a lot before he died; but not nearly as much as she would have if "they" had followed their original plan.
She used to say that she loved the farm and was sorry they sold it. Lately we were remembering residences. When the farm came up she decided she was glad "that fiasco ended". I was surprised but didn't question her...it didn't fit into the conversation.
