Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I gotta tell ya...
...I'm really enjoying reading through all the stuff I've published in this compendium of sites and cataloguing it for the upcoming Table of Contents. Although my original idea was to design a simple, straightforward TOC, as I read, cull what I believe to be significant posts and organize them into groups it's becoming evident that
I'm finished with the first journal and the 1999 and 2000 Histories. I've just begun cataloguing 2001. I never got around to setting up a 2002 history and I'm sort of glad, now, that I didn't. The only area that I won't be reading and cataloguing is the Mom's Daily Tests and Meds even though that area does contain information that might be of interest to someone besides me. Maybe I'll get around to it after the TOC is constructed and operative.
I remain pleased that I'm taking some time to review what I've written here. The historical remove of the perspective I'm gaining over what I've been doing with my mother these past 11 years is having a salutary effect on my attitude. Not that I was having problems with my attitude but I needed to gain some perspective. I needed, for instance, to see that what I consider my battle with her Ancient propensity toward inactivity has been going on for more than a few years. Maybe I don't need to engage in battle over it anymore. What I've written is, as well, loaded with cogent reminders of her sturdy sense of self and her indomitable ownership of her journey through The Land of the Ancients. Nothing, I can see, that I'm doing or try to do is changing her course. That's a lesson in itself. It is also becoming obvious to me, more than before, that the woman survives on attitude and she continues to have plenty to spare. The more I read, the more I realize that I'm not harming her, I'm not misdirecting her and I'm not denying her anything by giving in to her implacable decisions on how she's going to live out the rest of her life. This is a relief.
I read an article in O this week featuring a woman who, in her late 70's, decided she needed isolation in order to continue living her life the way she wished. She moved to Mexico, far away from family and friends. The product of this adventure was a published book which she is now, in her early 90's, promoting on a book tour. When I finished the article I realized that I read it from a different perspective than has previously been possible for me. I noticed that as I absorbed this woman's story I wasn't wondering why that 90 year old book promoter wasn't my mother. I was simply noticing that Ancient Journeys take all kinds of tacks, a different tack for each individual. It's very nice to look at this woman's journey and think, "Wow," then look at my mother's journey and think, "Wow." Both of these women are doing exactly what they want to be doing in exactly the circumstances right for each. Neither wishes their situation to be different and neither has regrets. This is welcome a revelation to me.
Rabbit, rabbit day in one minute.
- I have much more material than I realized, and
- I think it's going to be easier on someone visiting a TOC if I list the groups on the page and offer pull down menus of the specific posts in that group with titles that offer a scent of each post.
I'm finished with the first journal and the 1999 and 2000 Histories. I've just begun cataloguing 2001. I never got around to setting up a 2002 history and I'm sort of glad, now, that I didn't. The only area that I won't be reading and cataloguing is the Mom's Daily Tests and Meds even though that area does contain information that might be of interest to someone besides me. Maybe I'll get around to it after the TOC is constructed and operative.
I remain pleased that I'm taking some time to review what I've written here. The historical remove of the perspective I'm gaining over what I've been doing with my mother these past 11 years is having a salutary effect on my attitude. Not that I was having problems with my attitude but I needed to gain some perspective. I needed, for instance, to see that what I consider my battle with her Ancient propensity toward inactivity has been going on for more than a few years. Maybe I don't need to engage in battle over it anymore. What I've written is, as well, loaded with cogent reminders of her sturdy sense of self and her indomitable ownership of her journey through The Land of the Ancients. Nothing, I can see, that I'm doing or try to do is changing her course. That's a lesson in itself. It is also becoming obvious to me, more than before, that the woman survives on attitude and she continues to have plenty to spare. The more I read, the more I realize that I'm not harming her, I'm not misdirecting her and I'm not denying her anything by giving in to her implacable decisions on how she's going to live out the rest of her life. This is a relief.
I read an article in O this week featuring a woman who, in her late 70's, decided she needed isolation in order to continue living her life the way she wished. She moved to Mexico, far away from family and friends. The product of this adventure was a published book which she is now, in her early 90's, promoting on a book tour. When I finished the article I realized that I read it from a different perspective than has previously been possible for me. I noticed that as I absorbed this woman's story I wasn't wondering why that 90 year old book promoter wasn't my mother. I was simply noticing that Ancient Journeys take all kinds of tacks, a different tack for each individual. It's very nice to look at this woman's journey and think, "Wow," then look at my mother's journey and think, "Wow." Both of these women are doing exactly what they want to be doing in exactly the circumstances right for each. Neither wishes their situation to be different and neither has regrets. This is welcome a revelation to me.
Rabbit, rabbit day in one minute.
