Monday, August 1, 2005
Last night around 1800...
...my mother asked me what time MPS "gets home".
At first I thought my mother was thinking that MPS lives here and we were awaiting one of her regular arrivals. So, I told her it was Sunday, a day on which MPS doesn't work, and asked, "You mean home at her house in [the Phoenix metroplex]?" just to make sure to clear any confusion about where MPS lives.
Mom looked at me as though I was the one in the house experiencing dementia. "Well, of course," she said, and continued, "I want to call her."
Earlier in the day we had called MCS to thank her for her Best in the Universe homemade bread & butter pickles. I couldn't think of any reason why Mom would think to call MPS today and thought she might be confusing the two, so I reminded her of the earlier call.
Again I got that, "you aren't listening to me, are you crazy" look. "I know," she stated. I want to call MPS."
"Okay, I'll get the phone." Out of curiosity, though, I asked her the purpose of the call, even though it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to know where my mother was mentally.
"About Saturday, of course. I want to firm up the plans."
This was a complete surprise; she was obviously talking about next Saturday, when she and MPS will be spending the day together at the Traffic School hotel. "You know, Mom, I set all that up with MPS yesterday. Do you want me to go over the plans for you?"
"No, I want to firm them up with MPS." Very stern.
Oops. I was stepping on her toes. I dialed the number, handed the phone to her. She confirmed her date with MPS and, at least from what I could gather from her side of the conversation, made further plans regarding what the two would be doing on Her Day Without Me.
I wasn't going to horn in on the conversation, I even told her before I dialed that this conversation belonged to her, "don't hand me the phone unless MPS specifically asks to talk to me," but just as Mom was obviously getting ready to sign off I motioned that I wanted to speak to MPS.
In case it wasn't obvious, I remarked that Mom was very excited about their day together, so excited that she's talked about little else since Saturday morning when I told her about the plans. So excited that she has a clear memory of these plans and is anticipating the visit at least as much, if not more, than she's anticipated any visit. MPS was thrilled.
So am I. I'm sure part of the reason Mom is so excited is that she knows she'll be spending time with one of her "other" daughters without me around. It pleases me that she's looking forward to this for a couple of reasons. First, the only times she feels confident about being alone with others are when she's feeling very good physically. Second, she and I both need occasional breaks from each other but those breaks only work well when Mom is confident about being around other people without me. Third, I can completely relax while I'm doing what I have to do, knowing that MPS and Mom will be reveling in their time together alone.
This bodes well, I'm thinking, not only for the visit, but for the possibility that Mom might be amenable to trying out the Senior Day Care, again, as long as she's feeling good (and confident).
It's tricky. Sometimes when we have visitors or are visiting, when I leave the room she worries and asks repeatedly where I am. I don't think that's going to happen next Saturday. I think, in fact, that when I return to the hotel room after class Mom will tell me that if I want to leave again it's perfectly okay with her. When we take MPS's family out to dinner Saturday night she's going to have one of her "I don't need Gail" episodes and I'll become the delighted (this time) butt of a few of her humorously snide remarks designed to show that she's just fine on her own, thank you. Moments likes these help to make life more than bearable for both of us and serve to remind Mom and me that, above all, when it is possible in the context of An Ancient One's life to allow that Ancient One a feeling of independent mobility in the world, these moments should be seized and savored, as they will cast a redeeming glow over all other moments.
Time to awaken The Mom.
Later.
At first I thought my mother was thinking that MPS lives here and we were awaiting one of her regular arrivals. So, I told her it was Sunday, a day on which MPS doesn't work, and asked, "You mean home at her house in [the Phoenix metroplex]?" just to make sure to clear any confusion about where MPS lives.
Mom looked at me as though I was the one in the house experiencing dementia. "Well, of course," she said, and continued, "I want to call her."
Earlier in the day we had called MCS to thank her for her Best in the Universe homemade bread & butter pickles. I couldn't think of any reason why Mom would think to call MPS today and thought she might be confusing the two, so I reminded her of the earlier call.
Again I got that, "you aren't listening to me, are you crazy" look. "I know," she stated. I want to call MPS."
"Okay, I'll get the phone." Out of curiosity, though, I asked her the purpose of the call, even though it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to know where my mother was mentally.
"About Saturday, of course. I want to firm up the plans."
This was a complete surprise; she was obviously talking about next Saturday, when she and MPS will be spending the day together at the Traffic School hotel. "You know, Mom, I set all that up with MPS yesterday. Do you want me to go over the plans for you?"
"No, I want to firm them up with MPS." Very stern.
Oops. I was stepping on her toes. I dialed the number, handed the phone to her. She confirmed her date with MPS and, at least from what I could gather from her side of the conversation, made further plans regarding what the two would be doing on Her Day Without Me.
I wasn't going to horn in on the conversation, I even told her before I dialed that this conversation belonged to her, "don't hand me the phone unless MPS specifically asks to talk to me," but just as Mom was obviously getting ready to sign off I motioned that I wanted to speak to MPS.
In case it wasn't obvious, I remarked that Mom was very excited about their day together, so excited that she's talked about little else since Saturday morning when I told her about the plans. So excited that she has a clear memory of these plans and is anticipating the visit at least as much, if not more, than she's anticipated any visit. MPS was thrilled.
So am I. I'm sure part of the reason Mom is so excited is that she knows she'll be spending time with one of her "other" daughters without me around. It pleases me that she's looking forward to this for a couple of reasons. First, the only times she feels confident about being alone with others are when she's feeling very good physically. Second, she and I both need occasional breaks from each other but those breaks only work well when Mom is confident about being around other people without me. Third, I can completely relax while I'm doing what I have to do, knowing that MPS and Mom will be reveling in their time together alone.
This bodes well, I'm thinking, not only for the visit, but for the possibility that Mom might be amenable to trying out the Senior Day Care, again, as long as she's feeling good (and confident).
It's tricky. Sometimes when we have visitors or are visiting, when I leave the room she worries and asks repeatedly where I am. I don't think that's going to happen next Saturday. I think, in fact, that when I return to the hotel room after class Mom will tell me that if I want to leave again it's perfectly okay with her. When we take MPS's family out to dinner Saturday night she's going to have one of her "I don't need Gail" episodes and I'll become the delighted (this time) butt of a few of her humorously snide remarks designed to show that she's just fine on her own, thank you. Moments likes these help to make life more than bearable for both of us and serve to remind Mom and me that, above all, when it is possible in the context of An Ancient One's life to allow that Ancient One a feeling of independent mobility in the world, these moments should be seized and savored, as they will cast a redeeming glow over all other moments.
Time to awaken The Mom.
Later.
